Oh, Gee - Ostalgie

More a spelling error than a portmanteau, Ostalgie comes from the German word Nostalgie (nostalgia), cleverly missing the N to begin with Ost, the German word for East. Ostalgie thus refers to a nostalgic attitude towards former East Germany.

As with many formerly Soviet-led countries (including Russia), people yearn for the perceived ease of life under communist rule. State-owned industry meant that everyone could have a job and everyone could have food (when the country wasn't stricken with famine, anyway). In times of high unemployment and with the vestiges of bloc architecture slowly fading from East German cities, Ostalgie has developed into a defining characteristic of East German culture.


The Road to German Reunification

After World War 2, Germany's borders not only shrank, but the Allies split the nation into occupied zones - one each controlled by the UK, the USA, and the USSR (later the US and UK would split their zones and give one to France). Eventually in May of 1949 the western allies (UK, USA, France) unified their occupied zones into the the Federal Republic of Germany (Bundesrepublik Deutschland in German). As a response, the Soviet Union had their zone formalized as the German Democratic Republic (Deutsche Demokratische Republik). For 41 years the FRG and GDR existed as separate nations.

In August of 1989 Hungary (a member of the Soviet-led Warsaw Pact) opened its border with Austria (not a member of NATO, but pro-West). East German tourists then flocked to Hungary in September...to escape to the West via the opened border. Subsequently, East Germany decided to open its borders, resulting in the fall of the Berlin Wall on November 9th, 1989 and a flood of people to the west.

With free elections in March the following year, East Germany started on the rocky road to unification with West Germany. Despite resistance by many NATO members (most famously Margaret Thatcher), eventually German diplomats secured the reunification of the country. The final step being the formal institution of 5 German states at midnight on October 3rd, 1990 (October 3rd is subsequently celebrated as reunification day istead of November 9th due to some unfortunate implications with that whole Nazi thing).


Who Loves a Trabant?

Ostalgie materializes in a love for the Ampelmännchen - the little traffic signal man. With a hat and powerful strut he adorned many of the Walk/Don't Walk signs in Eastern Germany (vintage signs can still occasionally be seen today). Due to his former ubiquity on every street corner (with a stop light, anyway), the Ampelmännchen has become the dominant symbol of Ostalgie today.

The Trabant from the title of this section is also a prime example of Ostalgie. By far the most prominent car in East Germany, the Trabant was designed and created solely to be a cheap, working man's car. A small two-stroke engine gave the car little power, but the flimsy Duroplast chassis and small frame gave it enough power to push 4 adults around at modest speeds. When the checkpoints to the West opened in the '90s waves of Trabants streamed out of East Germany since few people owned any other brands. To the casual viewer a Trabant looks like a heap, but, the Trabbi remains beloved for its simplicity and its part in history.

Many stores in East Germany mark certain goods with an Ostprodukt label, indicating they were manufactured in (former) East Germany. Ostalgie all but revived Vita-Cola (a sort of citrus-cola mix). Due to import bans on much of what the West had to offer, local products reached a rather large consumer base in the East. The government demanded a non-alcoholic drink to serve the masses, so they had a chemical company whip something together. So East Germans drank Vita Cola instead of Coca Cola or Pepsi (whose products are still very uncommon in Europe, but particularly East Germany).


Old ladies reminisce about how great it was that everyone had work and how the trains ran on time. And in some ways these memories prove correct. In the GDR unemployment ran at nearly 0% thanks to a state-run economy the handed out work details. East Germany exported a large amount of industrial and engineering equipment. By the 1980s they had begun to dabble in computers (essentially the Soviet's equivalent of tech-savvy 80s Japan...except much more expensive and not as successful).

But by the late 1980s the East German government was running a large deficit. In order to maintain the standard of living and import necessary raw materials for the industrial sector, East Germany began amassing large debts.


Black and Blue Tinted Glasses

Soviet-controlled East Germany was no picnic. Understandably upset at the loss of millions of Soviet citizens the Soviet Union was not kind in its occupation of East Germany. After Germany surrendered to end World War Two (in Europe, anyway), the Soviet Union proceeded to take any heavy machinery that wasn't bolted down. And some that was. The GDR (East Germany) came out with a crippled economy, a puppet government and - most notoriously - a brutally repressive secret police.

East Germany had to contend with large amounts of unrest as the population suffered prolonged depression with their weakened industrial base. Party loyalty got you employment much faster than ability, so skilled technicians were often relegated to lower tier jobs. A severe brain drain further stunted the economy as the intelligensia and youth attempted to flee to the West for greater personal freedom and the potential for a higher standard of living.

The GDR eventually attempted to stymie these developments by integrating East Germany into the economic interdependencies of the Soviet Eastern Bloc. As mentioned the GDR became the focal point for the bloc's machinery and computer manufacturing. The GDR erected the Berlin Wall to prevent flight into the West (less famously they also built a barbed wire fence along the entire East Germany-West German border). But the Stasi represented the GDR's efforts to curb unrest in much more brutal ways.

The Ministerium für Staatssicherheit (Ministry for State Security, colloquially abbreviated to the Stasi) was created for counter espionage and monitoring unrest amongst the population. Loyalty to the incumbent communist party was paramount and dissenters were brutally repressed. The Stasi had a presence in nearly every town in East Germany (Magdeburg even had a Stasi prison). The Stasi routinely held and interrogated citizens and kept them for prolonged periods in prison-like conditions. Making jokes about the government could keep you there indefinitely.


In My Day We Were Oppressed Only Once or Twice a Day!

For many people Ostalgie just means remembering the good parts of the past.

But for others Ostalgie remains not just a focal point of nostalgia, but a representation of an authentic desired destination. The east still has a lower standard of living and higher unemployment than the west, which breeds resentment. And as the older generation sees the new youth grow up to outrageous modern fads and Western culture they yearn for days of simplicity and respect. Just as they often do in the USA and elsewhere (stress of imminent nuclear war? I don't know what you're talking about).

Every once and a while people yearn for the good ol' days. When behatted men helped you cross the street and your car was made out of plastic and plant fiber.



So, Good Bye, Lenin; hello...Merkel?

The Importance of Auxiliary Verbs

The United States officially entered World War II on December 7th, 1941 after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Often considered a terrible strategic blunder, Hitler subsequently declared war on the US on December 11th. These actions dragged the United States in the Battle of the Atlantic against Germany's commerce raiding navy - primarily submarines. It also brought us the rhyming phrase "loose lips sink ships." However, the original poster adds a very important auxiliary verb to the mix: "might."


Battle in the West (Atlantic)

Between the fall of France in June of 1940 and the loss of numerous u-boat aces in early 1941 (most famously Günther Prien and his magic torpedoes (like magic fingers, but half a meter wide and explosive instead of tingly)), German submarines and commerce raiding ships proved frighteningly successful. In the four months after the Fall of France German submarines sank 282 Allied merchant ships totalling nearly 1.5 million tons of shipping. Their success was so great that after the war Churchill commented that, "The only thing that ever really frightened me during the war was the U-Boat peril...It did not take the form of flaring battles and glittering achievements, it manifested itself through statistics, diagrams, and curves unknown to the nation, incomprehensible to the public."

Ever increasing British anti-submarine efforts resulted in wanning commerce raiding opportunities for German submarines in late 1941. However, Hitler's declaration of war allowed u-boats to hunt new targets off the coast of North America ("Canada? What's Canada?"). The first wave of long range Type IX submarines departed as part of Operation Paukenschlag (Operation Drumbeat). For the next 8 months, German submarines saw a resurgence of success (hence the Wikipedia article title "Second Happy Time," from German commander's referring to a period of success as "glückliche Zeit" (meaning "happy time" or "fortunate time").

Germany only had 12 available Type IX boats, so commanders of smaller (more famous) Type VII boats suffered more cramped quarters and meagre rations to risk the journey to hunt down fresh American vessels. They proved so successful that a newly created American Office of War Information began a campaign of information control by mid-1942.


Look at that Ess (c)ar gee-oh

Ironically, the US likely started the campaign to prevent Americans from learning about sinking ships instead of preventing Germans learning information letting them sink ships.

Similar to other propaganda from the period, a large company created the "Loose Lips Sink Ships" (LLSS) poster to aid the war effort. The poster came as part of a series of eight drawn in 1942 by the art director at Seagram Distillers' branch in New York (think Pepsi Co., but with more alcohol). Seagram printed the posters for placement in taverns. Apparently they felt bad for liquoring up all those intelligence officers ready to provide vital war information to German spies. Loose lips might sink ships, but lots o' sips loosen lips.

Obscurely signed as Ess-ar-gee, the poster's artist went without much recognition, despite creating one of the most recognizable phrases from World War Two. Ess-ar-gee enigmatically disguises the initials SRG, which refer to the Seymour R. Goff Jr. (some places slip a Henry in there...we could probably throw in a John or William to cover some other common turn-of-the-century names - or maybe he just didn't like hens).


What Might Sink Ships

The American navy and coast guard were initially unprepared for the waves of German submarines that came. The British immediately recommended switching to the Commonwealth's convoy system - the American navy eschewed the perceived burden of the system. The British recommended flying constant reconaissance and sending out available ships for escort duty (sick of that 'fishy' smell, the British had commandeered many fishing trawlers for anti-submarine duty in 1940 and 1941) - the American navy again abstained, unwilling to seize civillian vessels and lacking available destroyers. Ships leaving American ports suffered heavily between January and August 1942. The British recommended blackouts in coastal cities - and yet again the American navy refused the suggession.

At the height of the "Second Happy Time," German submarines were operating within sight of American harbors - identifying ships' silhouettes against illuminated cityscapes and sinking them as they ventured out to sea. The British tanker Coimbra was sunk within 30 miles of Long Island; residents who spotted the wreck's burning load of oil called the authorities. Due to light air patrols and a lack of available escort ships (many having been "lent" to the British in 1941 in Roosevelt's Destroyers for Bases program), occasionally German submarines sank ships during the day as well - such as the Dixie Arrow sunk 12 miles from the Diamond Shoal anchored light buoy off the coast of North Carolina.

Loose lips might sink ships, but a poorly prepared navy, obstinate leadership and an aversion to adopting proven strategic decisions do sink ships.


"Negative Buoyancy Sinks Ships" just didn't rhyme well enough.

Subways Without Sandwiches

Public transportation in the United States leaves much to be desired. Due to a confluence of factors, the US has a much higher reliance on personal motor vehicles than other nations. This is unfortunate not only because mass transit can be efficient and more environmentally friendly than congested motor vehicle traffic, but because mass transit networks often feature interesting infrastructure and engaging station designs. For me, subway systems are the pinnacle of quality mass transit, but there are many options available to the inquisitive urban planner within all of us.

Trams (or streetcars or cable cars or trolleys, whichever name you're going for) suffer the most from a culture infatuated with cars. Their rail placement in streets can potentially hamper traffic flow and cause accidents with unwary drivers, which makes them more undesirable in American cities despite numerous advantages. After the 1970s many tram networks in the US saw hard times as the economic boom of the 1980s decreased passenger counts - even Milwaukee used to have streetcars. Buses tend to be the mode of choice now, due to their ease of integration into traffic patterns and their comparatively low initial cost (compared to trams which require a hefty preliminary investment in infrastructure, but are supposed to be cheaper to maintain).

Another alternative is an independent transportation network that doesn't share infrastructure with private traffic. Building a separate network for mass transportation can be expensive, but also avoids traffic problems and allows the transport of more passengers per operator. Light rail falls into this category and includes trams with a dedicated rail network or elevated trains like Seattle's monorail or Chicago's 'L'.

This is also where subways come in.

Due to their sleek infrastructure and efficiency, I enjoy subways as aesthetic and functional components of modern transportation. Of course, subways have varied reputations and qualities around the world. As a good starting point for this we have Berlin.


Berlin's transportation network is a combination of buses, trams, light rail (S-Bahn, or Stadtbahn - city rail), and subways (U-Bahn, or Untergrundbahn - subterranean rail). All of these together are run by BVG - the Berliner Verkehrsbetriebe - the Berlin Transportation Company (as you might notice the acronym doesn't make any sense unless you spell with imaginary Gs; it's a holdout from the company's older name, the Berliner Verkehrs-Aktiengesellschaft - the Berlin Transportation Corporation). The BVG works in conjunction with the German national rail company, Deutsche Bahn, because the individual S-Bahn trains travel beyond Berlin and Brandenburg and run on track dedicated to intranational rail traffic. The Berlin-Brandenburg network is divided into three sections called - conveniently enough - A, B, and C.

For a majority of visitors to Berlin the A-section will suffice. It includes all stations within the ring created by the S41 and S42 S-Bahn trains (the well-defined octagon in the picture here). Colloquially the ring is called the S-Bahn Ring (conveniently enough) or Ringbahn (circle line) or the Hundekopf (dog's head) due to its true geographical layout (it's not really an octagonal shape). The B-section contains Berlin's suburbs, and a few tourist-worthy sites. The C-section is in fact not Berlin (or a Cesarean), but Brandenburg (the city of Berlin sits in an administrative island surrounded by the German state of Brandenburg). The C-section is also useful for visitors to Berlin, because it includes travel to Potsdam (see things like World War 2 or Prussian history for more information).

One of the pitfalls of such a vast network is the difficulty in determining your route (still, probably easier than the MTA's map for New York City). This results in stations with their own passenger help kiosks and shopping malls, like Friedrichstrasse which sees the convergence of six lines, a collection of trams and buses, and a regional train station. There's also the more famous Alexanderplatz which saw a bit of action in the Bourne Supremacy due to its size and complexity (the triple-layered Alexanderplatz subway station is pictured here with entry level (top) and two train platforms (middle and bottom). However, this vast number of stations also allows for great variation in station architecture and design, as well as great opportunities for exploration. The enjoyment of sights, sounds, and smells is subjective for each individual station, but it's hard to not like at least one.

There's quite a bit you can glean about a country just by examining some of its network layout and stations. For example: the Berlin subways are remarkably clean - this cleanliness being maintained by a legion of custodial staff who seem to constantly make rounds. Most stations have clearly posted electronic signs displaying the time until the next train's arrival, as well as timetables for other trains. Those that don't have fancy signs usually at least have clocks (which some may tell you exemplifies German punctuality - those people are liars). Most trains run on 10 or 15 minute intervals during peak hours, and usually arrive on time. Most transportation shuts down around 2AM and has a few hours of downtime before starting up for morning commutes.

Riding on the trains of Berlin is incredibly easy, due to the fact that there are no turnstiles or transit authority personnel checking tickets at every station entrance. Passengers purchase tickets (coincidentally) at ticket vending machines or at passenger help kiosks. The process is highly automated and simple if you know where you want to go. You might think this setup would be prone to passengers riding without a ticket - known as Schwarzfahren in colloquial German (or if you want to brush up on your German legalese: Beförderungserschleichung - essentially "avoidance of paying a fare") - but it seems most people are fine buying a 3€ ticket instead of paying a 50€ fine.

This results in a number of ticket controllers going from train to train checking tickets like Indiana Jones (except with fewer people getting thrown out of blimps). This means buying a day ticket gives you free reign over riding whatever you want, to and from wherever you want, whenever you want (...in a day), with minimal hassle. A day ticket for all sections is 6.50€, which isn't bad for having hundreds of destination options and the span of two major cities. Compare it to New York City's 1-day Fun Pass MetroCard at $7.50 (half of that price is probably paying for the ink to print the name of the card).

Just like in New York, that ticket will also net you some public entertainment in the form of people that cannot abstain from playing music in public.

An die Freude

Often cited as a 'symphony within a symphony', Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 in D minor, Op. 125 "Choral" is arguably one of the greatest pieces of classical music. It's also one of only a few symphonies to have vocals. I'll refer to it as Beethoven's 9th Symphony because I am not musically inclined. The fourth movement, named after Friedrich Schiller's poem An die Freude or "to Joy", is often the most recognized portion of the entire symphony. Because the word ode exemplifies the lyrical content of the poem we usually end up with the name "Ode to Joy". The piece has some musical flourishes that I really like, but since my musical talent is limited to knowing which violin strings are which through a clever mnemonic device (G'Day, or GDAE) I can't really tell you much about the in-depth musical facets of the piece.

The European Union took its anthem from one of the more famous musical portions of Ode to Joy. The German national anthem, on the other hand, consists of the same piece it has for the last 90 years, Haydn's Gott erhalte Franz den Kaiser (God save Franz the emperor) set to lyrics by Augustus Hoffmann in 1841 and picked as the anthem for the Weimar Republic in 1922 (and subsequently adopted by Western Germany). After 1945 they just took out that whole "Deutschland, Deutschland, über alles" bit that dominated the first stanza and kept the rest. This is probably for the best because the first stanza also mentions the boundaries of the Empire of Germany based on a collection of rivers that don't actually border Germany anymore.

As many are well aware, the American national anthem takes its musical foundation from a British drinking song popular during the early 1800s. It also happens to stem from the War of 1812, and not the revolutionary war. We've all heard plenty of renditions of people holding notes just a bit too long, so perhaps I could interest you in an instrumental version without singing.

Since it's Christmas time I figured I'd present (hah!) a simple analysis of the German lyrics in Ode to Joy. The primary theme of the piece is universal brotherhood (results may vary). Concert versions of the entire symphony, separated by movements can be found here. Ode to Joy is the fourth and final movement (directly linked below if you want to save a click). Don't worry, it might seem half an hour long, but five minutes of that is the applause. Plus it's cool music. I apologize in advance to all of the unfortunate cube-dwelling people who don't have speakers; I can hum along with you, but humming comes with a no-money-back guarantee.

Symphony No. 9, in D minor, Op. 125, 'Choral'-IV. Finale: Ode to Joy
Music by Ludwig van Beethoven
Lyrics by Friedrich Schiller (with additions by Beethoven)
(original German is in italics, loose translation is underneath)

Performed by the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra here.

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen,
und freudenvollere.
Freude! Freude!

Oh friends, not these notes!
Instead let us sing more pleasant
and joyful songs.
Joy! Joy!

The first few minutes of the movement recycle musical themes from the first three movements. The movement finally settles on a definitive theme just before this first lyrical interlude. The music starts getting more tense and less joyous before the first singing starts. So the baritone's all, "please stop playing somber music - let's keep it a bit more happy, eh?" (translated to Canadian for the recording linked above).


Freude, schöner Götterfunken
Tochter aus Elysium,
Wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder
Was die Mode streng geteilt;
Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

Joy - beautiful divine spark
Daughter of Elysium -
Filled with fire we enter,
Holy one, your sanctuary.
Your magic mends again
What tradition has sternly parted;
All men become brothers,
Wherever your gentle wing descends.

The common interpretation for the lyrics, but particularly this stanza, is mostly literal. The joy and happiness provided by God elates mankind and overcomes the troubles of history and unites everyone. God imbues mankind with the capacity for joy, which is a commonality between all men. Of course, if Schiller (the lyricist) were talking about beer, this would explain a lot too (why the chorus happens to be feuertrunken or 'drunk/filled with fire' for starters). Here it would also imply Germans are a lot friendlier once they've been liquored up a bit.

A common interpretation that starts from this portion of the lyrics is that pure joy presents a divine replacement for the Christian god (which Schiller devoutly followed), although Some Christians combined God with the concept of hedonism as early as the 1700s. This derives from the addition of Götterfunken ("divine spark" or, even more heathenish, "spark of the gods") and Elysium. Elysium - as astute viewers of Gladiator or students of mythology may know - was the Roman resting place for the heroic and virtuous (an evolution of the Greek Elysion).


Wem der große Wurf gelungen,
Eines Freundes Freund zu sein;
Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
Mische seinen Jubel ein!
Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele
Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund!
Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle
Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!

Whoever has had the fortune
To be a friend's friend;
Whoever has won a fair woman,
Add in your cheer!
Yes, even he who has but a soul
To call his own in this world!
And he who is unable, let him steal away
Weeping from this band!

So apparently the only ones that don't get to join in this cheerful celebration are those without souls. Guess that means Faust is out. People with wives or friends seem to still be in though. Wem der große Wurf gelungen, eines Freundes Freund zu sein literally means "for whomever the great dice roll has succeeded, to be a friend of a friend"...Proving that Schiller loved to gamble his friends in games of chance.

There's a tendency with modern German to explain away the use of masculine nouns here as male chauvinism (where gender neutrality for nouns is even more of a pipe dream than in English). I guess his stipulation that you can join in if you have a nice wife limits it to heterosexual males and the occasional lesbian, but he sort of overrides that with "or if you've got a soul come on in." That's one of the problems with noun genders (the other problem annoys foreign speakers by forcing them to memorize genders). This is also one of the reasons why Freude is a daughter of Elysium, since die Freude is feminine.


Freude trinken alle Wesen
An den Brüsten der Natur;
Alle Guten, alle Bösen
Folgen ihrer Rosenspur.
Küße gab sie uns und Reben,
Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;
Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,
Und der Cherub steht vor Gott.

All creatures drink joy
At the teat of nature;
All good, all bad
Follow her trail of roses.
Kisses she gave us - and wine -
A friend, proved in death;
Pleasure was given to the worm,
And the cherub stands before God.

The idea is that nature is part of life and every creature experiences joy and pleasure (hence the 'pleasure was given to the worm', meaning 'even the lowly can experience pleasure'). The exception here are angels (the cherub), who don't get a choice and need to hang out with God. Maybe Schiller is the original inspiration for Dogma. Schiller's apparent love for alcohol pops up again here. It may be important to note that Reben is the plural of die Rebe - the vine (often translated as grapes or wine here).

This is where that 'Joy as a god' thing comes back too, with the deification of nature. Coincidentally, it also features the anthropomorphization of nature. There's probably something about the uniformity of death buried in there too (what with everything following the path ordained by nature and all). Or it could just be a bunch of worms having sex and angels standing in front of God for no discernible reason.


Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen
Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.

Jubilantly, as his suns fly
Through the heavens' glorious design,
Run, brothers, on your way,
Joyfully, like a hero on to victory.

Schiller wrote his poem during the Age of Enlightenment, so it may be important to note that die Bahn also means orbit (relating to the suns). This could be read as an absolution in all things, or that every day should be lived joyously. Or both. Unfortunately, the alcohol thread from earlier stanzas doesn't fit so well in this one.


Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt!
Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt
Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen.
Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?
Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
Such' ihn über'm Sternenzelt!
Über Sternen muß er wohnen.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss for the entire world!
Brothers - above the canopy of stars
A loving father must dwell.
Are you penitent, millions?
Do you sense the Creator, world?
Seek him above the canopy of stars!
He must dwell beyond the stars.

The first portion of this song has probably been translated best by Chet Powers. This stanza diminishes the 'Joy as a god' concept a bit, although we might assume that Schiller mentions 'above the stars' as a euphemism for 'being high'...but that construction didn't really exist in English or German in the 1800s.

The symphony recycles the rest of its lyrics from earlier (Beethoven apparently loved him some Götterfunken). It may be a bit heavy in the religious department, but still has a universally functional theme.

At the very least I think we can all enjoy the God full of peace and friendship from the Age of Reason over the God full of Providence and Original Sin from the time of the Inquisition and the Salem Witch Trials and such. A song about embracing joy and all of mankind is a bit more touching than a song about flagellating yourself and burning all of the women in your village for having mind powers.


Proving Englightenment Age German poets and lyricists are drunks since 2008.

Deutschkurs I

So, you've heard about German compound words but you just assumed they'd be simple like "bathroom" or "airmail" (das Badezimmer and die Luftpost, respectively). Well, Germans like to go longer. While it's relatively easy to surpass the English "antidisestablishmentarianism" in letter count by cheating (in the same way that antidisestablishmentarianism is mainly made out of prefixes and suffixes), German has plenty of long words without resorting to such cunning linguistics.

It's important to note that - like many languages that aren't English - German has noun genders. They're not all that important if you're saying one single German word, but they're included for the crazy people that want to build sentences. The genders are feminine (die), masculine (der), and neuter/neutrum (das). You'll want to get it out of your head right now that linguistic gender in German corresponds to actual gender - it doesn't (the girl - das Mädchen - isn't linguistically female, although some younger Germans may use die Mädchen instead). That'd be too easy.

A few long German words you might actually hear:

Schadenfreude (f) -

[shah-din-froi-duh] enjoyment from the misfortune of others

This is a compound noun from der Schaden (damage/injury/adversity) and die Freude (joy/delight). It popped up in the early 1900s in German literature, and people have been loving and hating it ever since. I hear the New York Times crosswords like to feature it frequently.

Fliegerabwehrkanone (f) -

[flee-gur-ahb-vehr-kah-no-nuh] antiaircraft gun

This one was so long for the Germans that it has an abbreviation, one you're probably more familiar with: FLAK. Coined when military hardware was constructed with the expressed purpose of shooting down enemy airplanes in the 1930s, it's a combination of der Flieger (flying object/airplane), die Abwehr (Defense), and der Kanone (Cannon/Gun). It has a closely related cousin in the Panzerabwehrkanone.

Schwangerschaftsabbruch (m)-

[shvahn-gehr-shahfts-ahb-bruch] (medical) abortion.

Literally meaning "pregnancy severance," the word consists of die Schwangerschaft (pregnancy) from the early 1700s and the much older der Bruch (break-off/severance) from around the mid 1300s - because Germans have been stopping things for longer than they've been getting pregnant. In the Victorian era (from the 1830s) to the Weimar Republic, the preferred idiomatic expression was "to bring a child to heaven". After that they didn't care anymore and it was just too long so they went with Abtreibung.

Fahrvergnügen (n) -

[Far-fver-gnew-gin (not like the drink)] driving pleasure

This word was popular in Volkswagen's 1989 advertising camapign, and confused much of the American populace because no one knew what it meant. You'll be hardpressed to find a German who actually uses it either - it does, strangely, also have a synonym: Fahrspaß [far-shpahs]. From fahren (to drive) and das Vergnügen (pleasure/enjoyment).

Kreislaufzusammenbruch (m)

[Krice-lauf-tsu-zam-min-brooch (long o sound, not the fancy pin)] circulatory failure

Due to the way the German language is structured you'll often get a noun pulling double duty by indicating action. In this case, the noun is often a means to convey 'to pass out'. Er hatte einen Kreislaufzusammenbruch. He passed out. From der Kreislauf (circulation) - which is a compound noun itself from der Kreis (circle), der Lauf (course/way) - and der Zusammenbruch (failure/collapse). It should be noted that Germans are very concerned about their circulation. In the world of modern medicine, purported circulation problems are one of the leading reasons for Germans' hospital visits. This word, too, has a synonym: der Kreislaufkollaps.

...That's right, I said cunning linguistics.