Vituperating Thesaurus Diving with Scurrilous Excoriations

My desktop houses a rather unassuming file called words.txt. The file - without the fluff on Microsoft Word documents or even WordPad - functions as my own personal dictionary and thesaurus. At fewer than 40 words it's a poor representation of the English language, but it is a great cross section of strange words that have entered my possession through others' misuse or my own curiosity. Unfortunately, It seems lots of people like to finger through thesauruses without double-checking to make sure the words work. I have a great disdain for these thesaurus divers, even if their salvaged treasures fill my dictionary.

Thesaurus diving involves making a piece of writing pretentious ("grandiloquent" if you really will) by replacing common words with longer, rarer or obscure words. There's no problem using a thesaurus to sound a bit more poetic; sometimes blue is just a bit too blue and you need some azure or navy. The problem arises when blue heedlessly becomes something like beryl (beryl is a mineral, which is clear in its pure form, but can take on a multitude of colors).

So I'd like to share a couple of my words and their provenance as part of my dictionary ...No, not scurrilous words (don't ask me why I have so many synonyms for "using abusive, insulting language").


alimentary [al-uh-men-tuh-ree] - adjective
1. concerned with food, nutrition or digestion.
2. providing sustenance or nourishment; nutritious.

This one is fun because it works as a pun for elementary. "Why did the mouse die of starvation, Holmes?" - "It's alimentary, my dear Watson!" (never mind that Conan Doyle never had Sherlock Holmes say "elementary, my dear Watson" in 40 years of stories).


esurient [ih-soor-ee-uhnt] - adjective (esurience - noun)
1. craving food in great quantities; extremely hungry.
2. (often followed by "for") ardently or excessively desirous; greedy.

Not all of my words deal with food, I promise. Anyway, this word fell into my posession from a Monty Python skit involving a cheese shop. The main character played by John Cleese is a bombastic wordsmith and apparent cheese afficionado, and he brings up this rare synonym for hunger almost immediately - along with the more British-sounding "peckish," which makes a nice double entendre since it means hungry and/or irritated. Speaking of double meanings...


excoriate [ik-skawr-ee-eyt] - verb
1. to strip off or remove the skin from; to abrade (scrape off) skin or hide.
2. to denounce or berate serverely; to flay verbally; to censure scathingly.

Who says you don't learn anything watching sports? This word came up during the olympics, when one of the announcers mentioned a hockey coach was excoriating the team for their poor defensive maneuvers. This word is a bit strange etymologically. The core of the word is corium (that's right, I used core just before corium - take that, clarity!), which is Latin for "skin" so the first meaning is apparent, but the figurative meaning requires a bit more imagination.

(Alright there's food again, but that apple snuck into this picture, I swear!)

Double (and triple and quadruple) meanings are the great benefit of a diverse vocabulary. I've enjoyed them ever since mortally wounded Mercutio's pun in Romeo and Juliet: "Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man." Even if Shakespeare's puns were originally an indulgence granted to the humors of the lower classes visiting the theatre. In case we're getting too low-class, next up we've got one of them, whosawhatsits...that's right, $10 words.


pulchritude [puhl-kri-tood] - noun
1. physical beauty - especially of a woman; that quality of appearance which pleases the eye; comeliness; grace; loveliness.
2. attractive moral excellence; moral beauty.

This pops up more often as my favorite word: pulchritudinous (a fancy, long way of saying beautiiful). I hear you say, "I've never seen it before, how much more often could it pop up?" Well, because most spam filters target things like "hot" or "beautiful" or "sexy," pulchritudinous tends to be the generic thesaurus treasure that comes in subject lines like "pulchritudinous Russian virggins redy 4 u."

Beautiful comes from Middle English and Old French, but pulchritudinous derives from fancy, civilized Latin. So how about some more Latin-derived words that are less nice?


scurrilous [skur-uh-luhs] - adjective
1. grossly or obscenely abusive language; vituperative.
2. given to the use of vulgar or coarse language; foul-mouthed.
3. characterized by or using low buffoonery; coarsely jocular or derisive; given to undignified joking as only a buffoon can warrant.

Okay, I lied when I said they weren't scurrilous words. One of the words is literally scurrilous.

I stole this from dinosaur comics, which uses it quite often. Whether or not it's actually being used correctly is arguable (T-Rex hadn't actually said anything mean or vulgar or jocular to warrant the devil's response). This one has fun double meaning since you can clandestinely imply someone is a foul-mouthed buffoon with a single word.


I believe that puts the site 2 years ahead in our "Word of the Year" program. Plus more people will hopefully use pulchritudinous, so my spam inbox won't seem quite so exotic.

I forgot to make a Thesaurus Rex joke, didn't I?

Deutschkurs I

So, you've heard about German compound words but you just assumed they'd be simple like "bathroom" or "airmail" (das Badezimmer and die Luftpost, respectively). Well, Germans like to go longer. While it's relatively easy to surpass the English "antidisestablishmentarianism" in letter count by cheating (in the same way that antidisestablishmentarianism is mainly made out of prefixes and suffixes), German has plenty of long words without resorting to such cunning linguistics.

It's important to note that - like many languages that aren't English - German has noun genders. They're not all that important if you're saying one single German word, but they're included for the crazy people that want to build sentences. The genders are feminine (die), masculine (der), and neuter/neutrum (das). You'll want to get it out of your head right now that linguistic gender in German corresponds to actual gender - it doesn't (the girl - das Mädchen - isn't linguistically female, although some younger Germans may use die Mädchen instead). That'd be too easy.

A few long German words you might actually hear:

Schadenfreude (f) -

[shah-din-froi-duh] enjoyment from the misfortune of others

This is a compound noun from der Schaden (damage/injury/adversity) and die Freude (joy/delight). It popped up in the early 1900s in German literature, and people have been loving and hating it ever since. I hear the New York Times crosswords like to feature it frequently.

Fliegerabwehrkanone (f) -

[flee-gur-ahb-vehr-kah-no-nuh] antiaircraft gun

This one was so long for the Germans that it has an abbreviation, one you're probably more familiar with: FLAK. Coined when military hardware was constructed with the expressed purpose of shooting down enemy airplanes in the 1930s, it's a combination of der Flieger (flying object/airplane), die Abwehr (Defense), and der Kanone (Cannon/Gun). It has a closely related cousin in the Panzerabwehrkanone.

Schwangerschaftsabbruch (m)-

[shvahn-gehr-shahfts-ahb-bruch] (medical) abortion.

Literally meaning "pregnancy severance," the word consists of die Schwangerschaft (pregnancy) from the early 1700s and the much older der Bruch (break-off/severance) from around the mid 1300s - because Germans have been stopping things for longer than they've been getting pregnant. In the Victorian era (from the 1830s) to the Weimar Republic, the preferred idiomatic expression was "to bring a child to heaven". After that they didn't care anymore and it was just too long so they went with Abtreibung.

Fahrvergnügen (n) -

[Far-fver-gnew-gin (not like the drink)] driving pleasure

This word was popular in Volkswagen's 1989 advertising camapign, and confused much of the American populace because no one knew what it meant. You'll be hardpressed to find a German who actually uses it either - it does, strangely, also have a synonym: Fahrspaß [far-shpahs]. From fahren (to drive) and das Vergnügen (pleasure/enjoyment).

Kreislaufzusammenbruch (m)

[Krice-lauf-tsu-zam-min-brooch (long o sound, not the fancy pin)] circulatory failure

Due to the way the German language is structured you'll often get a noun pulling double duty by indicating action. In this case, the noun is often a means to convey 'to pass out'. Er hatte einen Kreislaufzusammenbruch. He passed out. From der Kreislauf (circulation) - which is a compound noun itself from der Kreis (circle), der Lauf (course/way) - and der Zusammenbruch (failure/collapse). It should be noted that Germans are very concerned about their circulation. In the world of modern medicine, purported circulation problems are one of the leading reasons for Germans' hospital visits. This word, too, has a synonym: der Kreislaufkollaps.

...That's right, I said cunning linguistics.

"Quotes in Quotes in Quotes..."

"...add another quote and make it a gallon."

--Groucho Marx (in Animal Crackers)

20th century American comedian

There is a quote for almost everything under the sun. In fact, there's probably a quote about making quotes under the sun. So, I figured I'd break out a collection of exciting quotes I have accidentally remembered throughout my random accretion of information (...but looked up for proper wording).

The theme is randomness, in case you were wondering.

"Hunger is the best pickle."
--Benjamin Franklin,
18th century American statesman

This is a strange and rare quote from Benjamin Franklin. Pickles were one of the most common appetizers in America during later 1700s. This quote essentially says "If you don't eat anything you'll be hungrier." An outspoken proponent of moderation and a well-honed lifestyle (not so much a practitioner), Franklin doesn't want you to fill up on pickles before your next big meal. I would be remiss if I didn't link you to what some other crazy people say the meaning of the quote is (the meaning of pickle as 'a difficult situation' has been around longer than pickle as a food (although pickle as a sauce is oldest of all)). You'd be surprised how often this shows up on cooking websites talking about pickles...little do they know they are promoting abstinence from pickles.

"The first casualty of war is truth."
--Aeschylus,
Greek playwright

Americans tend to see this in every war - the curbing of civil liberties during wartime. The latest pair of conflicts are two of the latest casualties, but many past wars have seen a restriction on the freedom of press and speech (and occasionally assembly). Unfortunately Iraq and Afghanistan may end up being a bit more of a special case, considering the perpetual nature of discontent (and subsequently, terrorism). Aeschylus just tells us it's not a unique American phenomenon, and that leaders just don't like to tell the populace everything is going to hell.

"...going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless, noisy baggage behind."
--Jed Babbin,
onetime US Deputy Undersecretary of Defense

He may be a Republican who believes in a liberal-driven media, but at least he's got some good French comedy. Although, France really writes its own jokes, sometimes. That's right, I photoshopped a picture of an accordion wearing a beret - I would have thrown a loaf of French bread in there but that would have been too many French clichés, even for me.

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Samuel Clemens 'Mark Twain',

19th century American humorist and author

Here we see that mockery of the American legislative system and the crazy kooks in the Capitol is not limited to our own century. Twain has lots of good comedy and interesting anecdotes, unfortunately they're usually not at a quotable length. His essay The Awful German Language seemed to be a favorite of one of my German professors (who excerpted it at two seperate awards ceremonies).

"Perfection is attained not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery,
20th century French aviator and author

Some might remember this quote from when you discover Engineering in Civilization IV (and Leonard Nimoy reads it awesomely). It is from Saint-Exupery's memoir Terre des Hommes (literally Land of Men; published as Wind, Sand and Stars in English) of when he flew mail routes in South America and the Sahara, published in 1939. I don't know French, so I can't give you a fancy context, unfortunately. We do know he's an awesome Frenchman though, since the crux of his book deals with a plane crash in the Sahara in 1934 and him wandering to civilization with his navigator.

"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel."
--Samuel Johnson,
18th century English author

This is often misinterpreted to mean that anyone who believes in patriotism is a scoundrel. Taken in the context of Johnson's contemporary biographer (and friend) James Boswell's words, Johnson was referring to false patriotism - those who would hide their misdeeds behind a veil of ingenuine patriotism. Considering he was an Englishman and that whole 'American revolution' thing was going on, it has been suggested that he was referring to Edmund Burke.

Now, why the post of quotes? So you can avoid being berated by people who insist that using quotes isn't the perogative of intelligent people...by using quotes themselves.

"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
--Samuel Palmer,
19th century painter and writer

Strangely enough, this is the only unsourced quote in my list. No one is sure if this quote exists, because Palmer's son, Alfred, burned a bunch of his father's papers so that they wouldn't fall under the public's watchful eye (despite the fact that almost no one knew who his father was when he did it). History will show Alfred was a douche.

"A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought."
--Dorothy L. Sayers (Lord Peter Wimsey in "Gaudy Night").
20th century British author

But this one is also cheating, because it's said by the author through a character in a work of fiction.

Now I'm all quoted out.

In 10,000 Years Skulls Could Be Rainbows

I know what you're thinking: "The Cold War had the constant threat of nuclear annihilation, but what do I get?" The US Department of Energy has just the thing for you. 

The Waste Isolation Pilot Plant (WIPP) is a transuranic nuclear waste disposal facility. It sits in the middle of the Chihuahuan Desert (because if Chihuahuas are hit with a freight load of radiation maybe they'll grow bigger and be less annoying) near Carlsbad, New Mexico. They've been piling nuclear waste into it since 1999, and they'll be doing it for quite a few more years. They put it there because (it's easier than repudiating the START treaties so we can reprocess the waste) the location is remote, the geology is sound, and New Mexico is trying to catch up with New Jersey for 'Waste Capital of the World'.

The main storage facility lies half a mile below the surface of the Earth, nestled in the Salado and Castile salt domes of the Delaware basin (nevermind that the Delaware basin is not located in Delaware). Here, the unique geologic strata will ensure the facility will remain sealed well into the foreseeable future. The salt (contrary to our usual interactions with salt and other minerals) is relatively fluid and will be able to effectively seal any cracks which may develop in the shell of the subterranean structure. The salt formations indicate aridity on a geologic timescale - which is important, because nuclear waste in your groundwater will probably make it taste like Bellevue tap water. The rock salt also provides radiation shielding at nearly the same rate as concrete. Due to the heat from constant radiation the waste containers will be prone to condensation, and so the air will be ciriculated to maintain the integrity of the radioactive casks. The access and ventilation shafts sit in a 4 mile by 4 mile plot of land recessed from casual human intrusion.

The interesting part is that the EPA has assigned the WIPP a regulatory period of 10,000 years - the half-life of most of the waste inside (that doesn't mean it'll be safe in 10,000 years, just half as dangerous, really). This means that the EPA feels it has a moral responsibility to assure safety for future generations and warn them against intrusion into the structure (lest they become Fallout-esque mutants). So how do you warn people 10,000 years in the future that "digging here may be a bad idea, yo"?

10,000 years is a long time. 10,000 years ago humans had barely discovered agriculture. We've had alphabets for less than 3,000 years. We've known about radiation only since the 1800s. If you were trying to convey a message to people unimaginably far into the future, how would you do it?

Languages evolve quickly - words are invented and discarded constantly. Colors and symbols are culture specific, and their meanings can change on a whim (swastikas, rainbows, skull and crossbones - symbology has evolved for each). Even the relatively famous and common nuclear trefoil has met with some symbolism migration recently. So the WIPP hired a consortium of linguists, scientists, anthropologists, futurists, and science fiction authors to determine the best way to say, "don't dig here if you don't want a face full of radiation."

What did they decide? Two rings of equally spaced, 25-foot high monoliths etched in 7 languages (the six languages of the United Nations and the local language - Navajo) with Edvard Munch's "The Scream" face and some symbols (like ...Dr. Evil's head, for some reason); a collection of bunkers which repeat and expand on the information; and a berm (soil wall) showcasing the facility's underground footprint (including underground radar reflectors and magnets). In addition a set of documents will be sent to archives and libraries internationally. The plan is to use sturdy materials resistant to corrosion with redundant backups, constructed so they cannot be salvaged or easily removed. The finalized plan (with material types, quanity and placement) is expected to be complete in 2028.

How will we know if it works? Look for the three-headed man in the year 12029.